Our Piracy Policy
At CaptainSteve Industries (collectively "we", "us", "our", "Our Hero", "CaptainSteve"), we take piracy and security considerations seriously. We do not retain-eth yer personal data for the purposes of targetted advertising, spamming, spoofing or on-selling to third-party data-collection agencies. This be primarily because-eth:
- They be-eth scum
- We don't know-eth any
- The form we ask-eth ye to complete be not connected to an database of any kind
- This page be-eth entirely intended as satire and entertainment
- Validation of yer personal information be-eth wholly and soley fer the purposes of satisfying course assessment requirements of CaptainSteve's web-development course units
Providing yer personal information to CaptainSteve (inc) via our Contact page be-eth most completely safe. We shall not-eth use yer data for any nefarious actions except-eth for:
- High Treason
- Piracy on the High Seas
- Grand Theft Auto (ver III, IV and V)
CaptainSteve doth prefer-eth short-breads. He doest, however, consider-eth Monte-Carlos, Tim-Tams or - indeed-eth - any of the products produced by the Arnotts Biscuit Company to be an acceptable substitution. (Except-eth for Water Crackers ... they be-eth too bland and do not appeal to CaptainSteve's exquisite taste-buds.) Currently this web-site does not use the other kind of "cookie" (the computer variety). We do, however, use a local storage variable to retrieve the pirate name and port which you enter on our Contact page - this is used as a greeting for when you return. This variable is stored on yer own computer; we also use a session variable to track your ship on the landing page. In the unlikely event that cookies are ever to be employed, CaptainSteve shall update this policy.
No Smoking Policy
This web-site enforces a strict no-smoking policy. Please do not smoke whilst logged onto our site. Health authorities have informed us that doing so may adversely affect the health of our employees, or that of other visitors to our site who may be logged-in on nodes adjacent to yours. Should you find that your computer is currently emitting smoke, then please seek the help of professional technicians, contact your own Service department, or report the incident to your local Fire brigade.
The (Actual) Legal Stuff
All joking aside, this website - being based in Australia - is subject to Australian laws and regulations. As such, under the Privacy laws of this country, we are legally required to inform you of the collection of your personal information, what we shall do with it, and how we will protect and dispose of it. At all times, information provided by you to this website will be stored only on secure networks. This data shall be kept for a maximum of six months after your last contact and then deleted from our systems.
As mentioned above, there is no database connected with this website to harvest your information. None of the contact information provided by visitors to this site will ever be passed onto third parties. If you have chosen to provide your e-mail address on our Contact page, this will only be used for return communication by CaptainSteve, and only for the further discussion of ships, models or to answer any questions you may have.
At a later date, it is possible that this website may be extended to include a blog-post whereby on-going discussions may be carried out between visitors to the site and/or CaptainSteve. When that happens - if that happens - this notification will be updated. At no point will user comments be posted without prior consent. For further information about your rights, please refer to the Privacy Act 1988 Legislation.
Acceptable Use of IT Policy
CaptainSteve and members of his crew abide-eth by the Acceptable Use of IT Services policy as stipulated under the conditions of our enrolment with North Metropolitan TAFE. We do not engage-eth in computer piracy or hacking of any kind. We probably would, but we don't know how.
More Legal Stuff - primarily for our lecturer
Conditional to reading thus far into this document, ye doest hereby agree that Our Hero doth deserveth an passing grade for this assessment.